he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
