I heard we made out
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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