I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
