I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
