I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
