just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize