what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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