sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
