he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
