it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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