I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
