Porn is love you can see.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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