Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
