I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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