This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
