yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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