You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
