I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Too much gin, very little bucket
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize