i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
