addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize