dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
