There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish you could order shots online.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
