Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
