I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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