My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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