No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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