im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
