Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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