I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
