I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
