Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
