i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
