3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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