just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
