and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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