Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
