FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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