she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
