I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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