My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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