I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
