Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
