I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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