your parents love me but you hate me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
