capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
