it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
