oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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