i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize