to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
