I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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