I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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