I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
