I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize