K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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