i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
