When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
