If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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