So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
