"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
