I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
