In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
