Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
