Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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