Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize