i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
