jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
