I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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