Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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