so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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