I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
