Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
