you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize