You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
