don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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