You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
