Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize