Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize