Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
