It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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