i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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