I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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