If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
