He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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