somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
