The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize