Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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