I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
