there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
