why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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