If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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