I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize