I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
