What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
