I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
