ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
