You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
