Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
