Whod you bang
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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