I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
